I remember feeling, "I won't survive much longer in this condition, being awake, yet dead. I feel so damn hopeless, unwanted, unloved, and I see no future for me. My blood runs cold through my veins and the thought of suicide is knocking on the door of my soul. I don't want to kill myself, but if I'm going to live, I must take that walk through my past, and confront every decision and feeling that caused me to become a slave to heroin."